Marriage a complex, complicated work of art, created by God for His glory and honor. But should I stay, or should I go?
Most of the time, when it feels as if the rug has been pulled from under your marriage or relationship, you begin to slip and slide all over the place and at times you fall. We must understand that it is during these times that we are to become as one, looking to Christ Jesus as the foundation on which we stand and pray as we glorify God for His love, mercy, and grace. Yet in those rough goings, as you pray for relief and release, it is easy to give up but if you are in a posture of submission, you will hear the voice of YAH; the answer from God is don’t let go. He tells us to keep holding on to “His” unchanging hand so we will know His truth in the love He has for us and the power He has over the enemy who tries to destroy the institute He has sanctified; marriage.
One of the most valuable lessons to learn, is what Jesus taught us (regarding all relationships) is that “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”). This is a profound lesson to learn by couples who have been through, are going through, or will go through their storms; or the calm: if you want your marriage to be all that YHWH, God, in Yashuah, Jesus, intended it to be, you must give up your old life for your and make the necessary sacrifices of personal desires for your spouse. In doing this whether you are in those times, when you feel that it has become too much and you are holding on only by God’s promise and a prayer, keep the faith that, eventually, He will refresh and restore that which is needed to sustain the marriage or relationship and bring you through the storms that you are facing and will face. Romans 15:5-6 5 Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus: 6 That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
In this process of restoration, you may lose friends and even understanding of family (which are sometimes the root of this evil work against your marriage or relationship). But that maybe what is necessary and what has to happen in order to save and preserve what God has allowed: your marriage or relationship. God did not tell us that it would always be ice cream and cake (easy and smooth sailing) but for the most part it would be meat and potatoes (the hard row to hoe): you are an adult longer than you are a child, so you need adult training to lead and adult life in any situation, marriage is one of the important one. In all of our decisions on how to move through the hard times and reasoning as to why we are to stay while our head say leave, our best bet is to seek YHWH’s face continually, go with the heart and never let go, even when we are slipping and sliding all over the place, with no relief in sight. Because when you wait on the LORD and stay in His will, follow after His word, you will walk in His way and keep the promises of a beautiful married life that has been and still is authored by Him. Proverbs 24:3-4 3 Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: 4 And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches. This verse can be equated to a marriage or relationship and incorporated in the marriage to make it healthier therefore stronger.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Philippians 2:3-5 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.
Now there are times when we are told, by God, to let it go; let go of the imitation love (that which is created in our minds for selfish reason – mainly fear of the unknown; that which is not real or true). Take a toxic marriage for instance. This type of love creates a false life for all involved. God created this institution to represent Himself (Trinity as one). He gave instructions as to how each (husband and wife), are to be an integral part of such an institute, and what specific parts they are to play, to make it into what He meant it to be. (Ephesians 5:1-2 5 1 Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God). (Ephesians 5:21-28 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself).
The above scripture references how our God created a marriage to be. In order for a marriage to work, one or both must possess a virtue which most couples need the most, a deeper more selfless love. Because marriage is the combination of spiritual, emotional, and physical closeness to form a united front in every way possible; warding off that which seek to destroy it. And when love is expressed through sextual intimacy it can bring joy to the marriage and also replenish the earth; this is a blessing to God. (Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,). (Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh). (Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth).
But seeing that man and women before and of this age (generation), have reached such a sanctimonious stage in their life, along with lust, all sorts of unnatural use of their bodies, that the sanctified state of marriage has been denied its rightful purpose. God knows the hearts of all men- those who will and those who will not perform their duties according to the Word, Jesus. Therefore, He knows the outcome of why some should stay, and some should let go. In these mountainous moments, of doubt and fear He will deliver us from all of our troubles and worries. We do not move toward either or, unless we first go to God, seeking the righteous answer. If He says yes, we stay and He will work it out but if He says no, then we let go, and He will still work it out. (Romans 1:26-27 26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet).
No, we do not understand why, nor can we see our path beyond the relationship or the circumstance, but God hears our cry for release and relief, and He does answer; we need to pray, express our need, and give thanks for His attention and answer. We are given signs from God, that love can also be shown, when you must give up that which is toxic, and move on: learn from it, heal from it. And not only will God provide comfort as you move on from a past relationship or circumstance, but He will actually help you do it. This grant others and yourself the chance to grow, in themselves and you in yours, without dealing with something that is confining to the spirit, mind, and heart. It is during these times (as in all times) that you must solely put your trust in God and know in your heart that everything that is happening will work out for good. Rejoicing will come, in the morning, after the storm has ceased. Staying will only continue to make the situation more volatile which could end in hatred. So, although you do not understand and when you have done all, you can, stand in the shadow of God’s love, in Jesus’ name and without a doubt, He will heal your broken heart and take you through. (Proverbs 3:5-6 5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Psalm 34:17-18 17 The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit).
Marriages or relationships, like anything else worth having, if entered into for the righteous reason, can last. But we must first prepare ourselves for concessions which are to be met. And as always, what better way to prepare but through prayer. Prayer and an expression of need of God’s help to stay true to the course of your marriage. Then thank Him for hearing your request and that His peace, which goes beyond man’s understanding, keep your hearts and minds through our Lord and Saviour, Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus).
As we seek to maintain a marriage, encouraged by our Father we will come to the crossroads wherewe are to hold joint opinions. This is called making concessions. One that most couples overlook because it takes the focus off of them and place it on their spouse, is that of selflessness – in marriage this is a big one because having the ability to love someone other than yourself (in this case your spouse) takes lots of love and practice– it is being patient and kind, it is not being envious of what they have, it is not rude to them. Now this does not mean thinking about yourself less but completely removing yourself from the equation to care for others. Because the more you put your spouse first the more your focus will be on having a successful and strong marriage. (John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”). (Matthew 16:19 “whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven”).
Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalm 30:5b “…weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”
Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Romans 12:17-19 17 Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6 5“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
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